Eyeless in the morning sun you were
Pale and mild, a modern girl
Taken with thought, still prone to care
Making tea in your underwear
Huh. I guess “the best of both worlds” doesn’t apply to me. I mean that for several areas of my life, actually. The obvious is this one – blog vs. written stuff. The written stuff is totally owning the blog. No, actually SisMid is the only one being owned – my other blog is running like an athlete. I guess one sentence compared to five paragraphs is an easy match.
The other, less obvious, is my life in general. I feel like my life is split in two – it’s kind of hard to explain, but I’m into two very seperate scenarios of my life, and they don’t really coexist. It’s really weird. I don’t know how much I can or will tell you about this, but when I’m occupied with one part, I’m completely occupied. But all that is forgotten once I’m occupied with the other part. It’s weird?
Anyways, I don’t know, I just feel very little need to use this blog. Of course I’m not shutting down, but I’m just aknowledging the fact that I’m not as active as I’ve been before.
And by the way; I’m immensely satisfied with situations atm. Just btw.
[Song: Those To Come | Artist: The Shins]
You can fake it for a while
Bite your tongue and smile
Like every mother does an ugly child
But the stars are leaking out
Go away! I tell them. Shut up! Stay in there and be quiet! But they won’t. Sure, they’ll trick me from time to time, but permanently? Never; or at the very least not in the closest future. No, we won’t stay away, not when everything around you wants us to come out!
Damn you.
At times they stay inside for a long period – so long I’m nearly believing that they’ve left. But oh no, to be sure, they are still there. Persistent fuckers, not giving me peace of mind, or ever shutting up the babbling and the poking and the tearing. Can’t they see that there’s almost nothing left? There’s only so much you can do before you’ve torn something to the unrecognisable.
Sometimes they’re in a good mood. That’s when they focus on the lesser – yet, more – painful things. And other times they’re just plain evil, with a force as if they punched me in the stomach, or poisoned my food. I wish they would move out soon, but at the same time, I don’t.
I’m afraid that once they’re gone, I won’t remember anything. That I won’t remember what they sprung out from. That I’ll never relive them, no matter if it hurts me. Considering that they haven’t left yet, I’d say they’re waiting. But they should know that they’re waiting for something that’s not happening, right? Then, why, when they probably are aware of it, are they still hanging around? Damn you.
[Song: Turn On Me | Artist: The Shins]
Can anyone read
Anyone feel
That I’m losing my patience
I just came here to bounce
Well, now I’ve figured that out – it’s just about impossible for me to blog and write (by hand, that is) at the same time. How depressing. Well, not really depressing, rather just a little sad. I must say that I receive immense joy from writing by hand – there’s something special about that.
Furthermore, I’ve recently been forced to create lots of code names and be careful about what I write, which gives a certain thrill. Not that I really have to, but it’s not like I walk around with my heavy padlocked diary 24/7. It’s much more convenient – not to mention stylish! – with a Moleskine.
My point was supposed to be that I’m ashamed for not writing one single post in December until today, the 5th. Well, it’s the 6th technically, but I will put it under Saturday, because I still haven’t gone to bed. And all that.
Wow, I just realised that I’ve failed a bit – all my tags could, and should, have been used as categories. Of course I have always been aware that I haven’t used categories and tags as it’s supposed to be used, but now I realised that it would be a lot more specific and frankly quite smart. But it makes it harder for you to search up things, which again will lead you to reading through a lot more, and since I want you to read (I guess?) it’s smart.
I’ve been considering (and planning, actually) to make a habit of printing out my posts. I want a big book with all my posts. I would need a printer with lots of ink of course, and it would take some time to put it all into a word-file. But once I’ve started it would be done, right? Something to do… during Christmas holiday? How nerdy.
I’ve had a really nice time lately, by the way. My weekend sort of started on Thursday – theatre party (still a ridiculous word - any better?!). Lots of drink, lots of fun, lots of people (surprisingly so, even), lots of music and lots of dancing and lots of thankfullness for Converses and not pumps. Yeah.
Last night was also really nice – finally, after too many years, the old Italia gang – Eirik, Vilde, Sverre and I - met up at Villa Paradiso for pizza and some pints including, of course, the scrapbook with old pictures. It was really nice to see them again, and I certainly hope we won’t wait two years until our next meeting…
Today I worked (blah, but still, not so blah, with a new girl at work – always nice to meet the new ones, and especially when they’re super nice and the team work is awesome), and after work I met Astrid and we went to my place. We sat and talked for, what, almost five hours? It was so nice, and I won’t go into details on our topics but it was… really nice. I love it when you get to know people better and really like them. Just btw.
Tomorrow is work again, followed by dad playing in the Opera… I never seem to have the time to relax, but still, I have every other weekend, so I don’t know what I’m complaining about. This week I can look forward to a concert on Monday, my salary one of the days, haircut + color on Thursday (long bob, anyone?) followed by Datarock on Friday (be there or be square – tickets on sale from Monday!) and a trip to Copenhagen with dad and lots of environment activists… For them, the conference and demo; for me, Christmas shopping. Ho ho. Sorry, folks, I am shallow, forgive me.
Well, here you go - a long, boring summary of a post. But as I was laying in bed I realised that I really haven’t written in ages (November 30th?!) and I just got the urge. Soo. That’s that. I’ll tell you when I’ve started my blog-printing project.
[Song: DVNO | Artist: Justice]
Shit man, the stats have passed the 6,000 views mark! That’s insane! Shit!
And now you’re hiding in my soup
And the book reveals your face
And there’s a splashing in my eyelids
As the concentration continually breaks
This is my third day of waking up whenever I feel like it, and I have another one tomorrow. Still, considering the fact that I never went to bed on Thursday, I’m not sure if I count that. What a spaced-out day/night/morning? Let me explain.
For ages, I’ve been meaning to have a Harry Potter-marathon, but I’ve never actually gotten to it. Well, now I have! Thursday evening, around 9, I put the first movie into the DVD-player, and I held my eyes open and on the screen until 1 pm the next day. I have never, in my life, felt more exhausted and zombie. I realised the next day that I had received phonecalls I couldn’t remember answering, and messages I definetely couldn’t recall reading.
But I didn’t go to bed! I got out of the sofa, stopped by school to pick up my laptop, then went to mom’s to get some clothes and after that home again to dad’s and slept for an hour. Then Sabina woke me (luckily) and I went to see Pathletic at HamRock. After that I went home (even more zombie) and straight to bed.
After 11 hours of sleep I finally woke up, and waiting for me was three hectic hours of work… But then I went home, got ready, the girls came to me and we went out to paarty. It was fun, y’know, dancing and stuff… My whole body is quite stiff, actually. But that’s just lovely – it means I had a kick-ass night, doesn’t it? It was quite kick-ass, I’ll admit that.
Soo. Now I’m doing nothing of importance, and I’m digging it. I was attacked by an extreme urge to go somewhere, far away. Not to flee from anything here, but simply to explore something new. See new places. Meet new people. Taste new food. Swim in all seven oceans of the world, or something like that. Isn’t that a cool life mission? Maybe I’ll make it mine.
The furthest I’ll get before Christmas might be Copenhagen, but hey, Copenhagen isn’t terribly bad, right? I’m not sure yet, though. But I hope I will – I think it would be cool. It would be with dad, though. But what’s wrong with a little father-daughter-bonding? Plus it would be during the environment conference. Hm, Obama?
PS – I know I’ve used lyrics from this song before. Don’t worry, I am aware.
[Song: Fire And The Thud | Artist: Arctic Monkeys]
I was counting on you then
Close your eyes and think of when
So they gazed at the stars
And he told her his real name
Sabina, log on MSN. No, not now, actually. I’ll write another post when I’m actually online, hehe. I just felt like writing it, y’know.
New Moon was amazing, by the way. I don’t know what’s gotten into me, but I seem to be extremely sentimental nowadays – I cried during Mew, watching the movie last night… I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not. (clear throat) Anyways! In my opinion, it can hardly be compared to the first one. Which is a shame, since the first movie should have been really amazing (like the book), but oh well.
What am I doing? I am chilling in class. Aino just had a kick-ass presentation, and the tasks we were supposed to do have long since left my mind. Unfortunately. But my lookout is not so bad, I found out, so I don’t really need to stress too much.
Funfact: for the first time in god knows how long I don’t have any plans for the weekend. I mean, neither Friday nor Saturday night has anything on them in my journal. I don’t know how I feel about that. Delight… or not?
I need to run, and I should post this before it’s not right anymore (like the fact that I’m not in class anymore). So, I’ll write more later, and I will tell you when to log on MSN, Sabina.
[Song: Web | Artist: Mew]
It doesn’t matter where you are
Someone is there with you, I fear
It doesn’t matter where you are
I can’t complain; ignore the stain
Mew was amazing. Fantastic. Wonderful. Magic. Breathtaking. Tear-inducing. Highly applaudable. I haven’t cried like I did under White Lips Kissed in a long time, and I haven’t felt that bubble of joy bubble up so many times in so little time for as long as I can remember. They were… Amazing.
All in all, yesterday was quite amazing. Well, nothing topped the concert, but my company there was highly desirable and with a well-planned outfit and a good feeling (even after 7 hours of work) the night couldn’t not be a success. After that mind-blowing bomb of a concert we practically ran to our next stop, J&D’s birthday party. Of course we came after it had sort of ended, but where there’s people, there’s party (at least when the booze is flowing. Has flown. Or something).
So we ended up staying there, and later I ended up in a taxi home to my stressed-out mom (I know you do it because you love me, mom), and half-passed out in my bed at around 4. It was very good to fall asleep in my own bed, but no matter how comfortable the bed it wouldn’t help the feeling this morning. Also, everything was a bit fail since I didn’t fall properly asleep again after seven-ish when Tøffen decided to wake me. Shitkid.
Anyways, things I thought were clear are now clearer, and it seems that I’ve been fogging my eyes with belief. How naïve. But one can’t be blamed for trying, right?
[Song: Wherever | Artist: Mew]
Although it might take your mind off the aches and the pains
Laugh when he falls through the bar
But you’re feeling the same
‘Cause she isn’t there to hold your hand
Reading New Moon certainly doesn’t help. Listening to Bella talk about the exact same feeling that I’ve been enduring lately sort of removes the carefully sewn stitches. Only she has Jacob, and I really wish I could have a Jacob in my life. Not as a romantic interest – simply as a big, always-happy-to-see-me teddybear of a boy who could fix me up a bike. Okay, that last sentence sounded ridiculous even in my ears.
I have lots of things to look forward to that should cheer me up. I’ll make a list, so I can read it whenever I feel a little down:
-
Mew | this Saturday
-
Birthday party | this Saturday
-
Hamrock | November 27th
-
Theaterparty (ridiculous word!) | December 3rd
-
Pathletic and Fumado at Blå | December 7th
-
Something exciting and unannounced | December 11th
-
Birthday party | December 12th
-
Christmas prom | December 15th
-
Big Bang | December 18th
-
Dinner with the girls somewhere in here
-
Christmas!
-
New Year’s Eve!
-
Intensive week | February
-
Scotland | March
-
Roskilde festival | June/July
-
Portugal with Aino | July (hopefully)
And certainly lots of things I’ve forgotten/don’t know about yet. So why should I wallow in sorrow (haha) when there are so many things to be cheerful about? Honestly. I need to give myself a pinch.
But still, I won’t deny it: I hate missing people, but it’s an inevitable part of me. I’m a misser. There are a few exceptions to this rule, but I do miss people, no matter if I should or not. It doesn’t matter if their reasons for not being in my life to the same degree that they were are good; the missing part never fails. I know I’ve written about it before, so I guess this is just repeating myself.
These are just glimpses; fleeting moments of memories – golden pearls of beauty. I don’t think we humans are fully capable of accepting it when these pearls are stolen – lost – gone – missing. But okay, there are other pearls, maybe not as shining and golden, but they do exist.
[Song: Despair In The Departure Lounge | Artist: Arctic Monkeys]
Add my tremolo
Likes to shine on yours and mine
All my emptiness
Is confined in metric rhyme
There’s nothing as breathtakingly beautiful as opening a new notebook. There’s nothing as wonderful as setting your pen to the fresh paper, making your words take the transformation from thoughts to reality. Writing is being honest. Not necessarily in the word’s proper meaning, but putting words onto paper is publishing it, no matter if it’s in your own personal locked diary.
I traded in one of my birthday presents today. I got two identical Moleskine journals for 2010, and after deciding what I wanted, I switched it. I’m now a proud owner of a Moleskine City Guide to Dublin. I was thrilled. Almost with tears in my eyes I watched the brilliantness of the creators overwhelm me with each turn of the page – neatly folded maps, space for writing your own thoughts, an amazing archive where you can put in all your own preferred restaurants, bars, shops – all the things you mean to write down but never get to do.
Writing is such a beautiful thing that there’s no wonder I own a countless number of notebooks. Only a few of them are completely out-written; yet I keep them all with pride. I want to take care of the words I write, because I know that in the moment of writing, they mean something to me. And because they have meant something to me once, they will still shimmer with the memory of that they meant to me, even though I might look back at it with nostalgia.
With my latest Moleskine, I now currently have five in “use”. Not that I’m using the City Guide or the one for 2010 yet, but they are at the ready. I have a couple of old one’s buried down somewhere. I will hunt them down and put them in my drawer. Remember people – you can talk as much as you want, sing it out, write it on your blog, but there’s something special about that piece of paper that you give your words to. Imagine the paper as a thirsty plant - the more you water it, the more it will be satisfied and grow. And because paper come from trees, that’s not really a bad comparison.
[Song: Beautiful Balloon | Artist: Mew]
So if you’re lonely
You know I’m here waiting for you
I’m just a crosshair
I’m just a shot away from you
I was going to use some lyrics I had saved up when I realised they don’t fit me anymore. This really made my day, as it means that the future looks very, very bright. Yes, I know I might me a bit cryptic sometimes, but that’s how I roll, and you know it.
What a success this weekend has been! Friday the 13th certainly wasn’t unlucky (except for the vodka accident), and last night completely fulfilled the expectations. If you don’t know what I’m talking about: birthday party and Prodigy.
Thinking about Friday makes me smile, and that’s for several reasons. It was just… Highly memorable. I don’t even know where to start! Like my chosen lyrics – epic memories. Just epic. I’ll give my fabulous guests credit: when you know the lyrics to Franz Ferdinand and Arctic Monkeys, you have found your way to my heart. And my house, the next time there’s a party. Certainly. No, I don’t want to write it down. I’m keeping them for myself.
And to all of you who brought presents – you are the kindest, sweetest people I know, and I am so happy to have you all as friends! In case I didn’t make it clear enough – thank you so much.
Still, even though I don’t want to write down my memories from Friday, I can definetely tell you about Prodigy last night! Dayum! It was beyond words (almost)! Never have I experienced such a feeling! I mean, Hove was great, but this – it took every piece of cake available. To be there with true fans only, that was awesome. Glowsticks, glowing t-shirts (mine was glowing in black lights! And it matched the colours of my glowsticks! Amazing!) and an incredible set-up and setlist - I grasp for words able to describe it.
I recorded a few videos, but they are completely chaotic – jumping and shouting and raving like crazy doesn’t exactly make award-worthy material. But for me it will take me right back to that night!
All in all it was, like I said, completely awesome, but one of the things that stands clearest to me was during Smack My Bitch Up when he told everybody – literally everybody - to sit down, and wait for him. You know, during that long build-up to that final ’smack my bitch UP!’? Well, so the entire crowd was sitting on their knees, waiting for it, and when it came EVERYBODY jumped up and went completely crazy!! Shit, man, it was so awesome…
I don’t really want to post this post. My language is so low today, and I’m such a wreck, so I’m as far from ‘the mood’ as I can possibly be. But I really just felt like telling you all about… Well, the things I’ve written about now. I promise to do better next time.
[Song: Take Me Out | Artist: Franz Ferdinand]
