Nothing Is Free, Even Words You Can Feel
Now I’m a fool, I feel like the whole world knows and I just can’t escape it
Figured your cool, I was so sweet on you and it seems like you faked it
Seems so cruel, think I could shake you off , yeah I think I’m tough I can take it
I’m tellin’ the truth, you put a good hurt on me
I realize that it has been cruel of me not to update in almost a month. If there are any of you out there that do not know follow me in any other way, you are probably really concerned. (Even though I doubt that any reader of this blog is someone who does not know me.) I can tell you that I am doing better than I was when I wrote my previous post, so you can release the breath that I doubt you have been holding. That being said, I do not know quite how to describe the way I am doing lately. Let me share some other thoughts instead.
I have been thinking a lot about a lot of things lately. Earlier today I wrote in my mini-journal about the power of writing. It is, however painful it might be, possible for me to go back three/four months and read myself back to my state of mind as it was then. It is a powerful thing, writing. That we have the ability to capture a feeling and trap it on a page forever, to go back and live in that moment again. I only wish I had been better at writing more often, particularly in times where I felt good about myself. If I could only go back and read some texts with memories where I actually wrote that I was in a good mood, or that life was actually pretty well. I guess the problem is that for me, writing is a kind of therapy, and I do not really need therapy when I am feeling well.
I believe the only time I have written when I was not troubled is back when I was 14/15. Back then I was much better at writing, even if I only wrote half a page, I still managed to write just about every single day. As of right now I do not even have a proper diary, making writing down my inner thoughts a lot harder than it should be. Of course I can write in one of my other journals (I sure have enough of them), but nothing beats the one diary where I can write everything. Which is why it is so great that I have found the perfect diary online. I just need to, well, buy it. Until then I suppose the mini-journals will have to do, even though they are not used until there is something that absolutely cannot wait to be written.
I have also decided, as of today, that I will join NaNoWriMo this year (again), and this time, I will go through with it. I think I might actually have an idea that could blossom into something. We’ll see. So now I have promised it here, for the whole world to see, so I have some extra pressure to go through with it. Right? Right. Until next time – please do not hold your breaths – take care. Or something.
[Song: Now I'm A Fool | Artist: Eagles Of Death Metal]
