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Did Your String Come Undone

May 30, 2012

How come I end up where I started
How come I end up where I belong
Won’t take my eyes off the ball again
You reel me out then you cut the string

At times I feel out of touch with myself, just drifting along in the stream of ordinary life, and frankly, it gets quite boring. The way life should be is a life filled with fire, passion, a lust for life. Some rebellion, some happiness, even sadness – all ways to make you feel alive.

I’m so happy to say that right now – and lately – I’ve been feeling a spark inside me ignite, some indescribable emotion glowing inside of me, making each day brighter, each night another adventure. Even if I’m just at home reading a book. I’m excited, I’m happy, I’m also a bit sad – but all of these feelings give me an extreme sense of happiness altogether because finally, finally, I feel the way I want to feel.

I won’t say I’ve reached my personal nirvana, I’m definitely far away from that, but for that I’m kind of thankful as well. That’s where the rebellion-part comes in: I feel in the mood to fight, to do something about the things that are bothering me, or at least stop letting them get me down.

I’m actually content. No, actually I’m more than that, I am happy. I am actually happy. And the logical part of my brain is asking myself “why?” because my usual checklist for happiness is far from fully checked. Which again leads me to wonder whether or not I should edit my Checklist for Happiness because apparently a lot of the points are outdated.

If I can feel this well without all those points on that list checked, then I suppose the list needs to be updated, right? Right.

I’m not sure what I’m trying to get at here (other than annoying you with my newfound self-satisfaction…), but I’m really happy I’ve found a way to incorporate life’s sadness into my life, and made it my strength instead of my weakness. Just writing about this vague “sadness” brings that usual wave of emotion right back to me, of course, but I can still sit here and write without being emotionally handicapped, which is a big step.

Progression y’all, whoop whoop!

…That almost sounded like the old Regine I used to know. Haha, nostalgic.

Side note: I searched for ‘Radiohead’ to check if I had used the 15 Step-lyrics before, and I realised just how many posts I’ve written with Radiohead-lyrics. Radiohead, I love your perfection. I wish I could marry your music.

[Song: 15 Step | Artist: Radiohead]

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One Comment leave one →
  1. sabina42 permalink
    May 31, 2012 3:27 PM

    You’re not that different from the old regine 😉

    Personally I believe that the way of being happy is to drop that checklist and to see the goods in the simplest things. The fact that I can wear shorts and a pair of sandals 10 o’clock in the night. Making homemade pizza for dinner. Reading a good book. A compliment from a stranger.

    Like a child. A new toy, an ice cream or its favorite tv show makes the child happy. Simple things.

    I’m glad you’re happy at least. Wanna see you soon.

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