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I Thought I Was Happy

April 4, 2013

Out of this zone, trying to see
I’m so alone, nothing for me
I guess I’ll go home, try to be sane
Try to pretend none of it happened

Feelings are weird. You know? One minute you’re happy, the next you’re shaking with emotion over something silly and you’re wondering, what the hell just happened? And you know you’re actually happy, because that’s the underlying emotion in general these days, but something comes along and rocks the boat and you just sit there and think ‘stop it’ but you realise that nobody is rocking the boat except your treacherous emotions.

So, what’s a girl to do? Explode with all the emotions building up inside, spilling out all sorts of unpleasantries, or let it pass in silence and hope for the best? Because in my experience, often preferring option number two, letting things pass in silence and hoping for the best often results in even worse results than if you let it spill out. However, letting it all spill out is definitely a highly undesirable resolution – and often it doesn’t resolve anything either, except the initial feeling of relief after spilling it out (followed often by regret at loss of selv-containment). This is a typical dilemma for most emotional people, though I suspect most of said group has found their preferred method of resolution. The problem for me, is that I haven’t.

I like to (or dislike to, but do anyway) compare myself with a hedhehog. As an animal lover I do not protest against being compared to what I think is an absolutely adorable creature, in fact, I think it’s preferrable to many other animals. The catch of comparing oneself to a hedhehog is that you must accept that the hedhehog is a creature that, when scared or angry, rolls in on itself, effectively scaring away everyone around it because of its characteristic spikes. This is just a defence mechanism, a completely natural thing (and certainly effective in the hedhehog’s natural habitat), but what about those times when the hedhehog rolls in on itself and it spikes strike one of its friends?

If you have followed this blog for some time you know that I’m hopeless at these metaphors and similes. I realise as I’m writing this that this simile in particular might sound incredibly silly. However, I shall continue using it and see how it works out. You see, I believe there is a point to be made: the hedgehog might be scared by one of its friends, thus resulting in it spiking them. The friend might not have meant to scare the heghehog, but oops, here we are, and the hedhehog has its spikes out and the damage is done. Who was right? Can the hedgehog defend the spiking of the friend because the friend shouldn’t have scared the heghehog in the first place? Or should the hedhehog have contained itself better and controlled its emotions? Then we must not forget: the hedhehog is an animal, running on instinct. It is not know for being specifically rational.

In this example, I suppose I’m trying to speak of my emotions as the hedhehog (just to clear that up). The friend that scared the hedhehog? I don’t even know what to call it. Something undefined. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is that the spikes are out, and it’s not always easy to pull them back in. Maybe if someone just talked to the hedgehog, it would all be resolved?

[Song: Why Won’t They Talk To Me? | Artist: Tame Impala] 

One Comment leave one →
  1. April 24, 2013 10:24 PM

    Jeg må bare få si at du skriver helt utrolig bra.

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