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And I Want You Around, Deep Down

October 31, 2013

Every time that I look out my window
All my emotions they are speeding
Zip thru winding highways in my head
Pick up momentum then I’m coasting

I’ve been feeling philosphical lately. Or, I suppose I always feel philosophical when I write here, that’s kind of the trademark of these posts, but still. I’ve been thinking about all the changes that happen in a life and how they shape us. More specifically, I find that the choices we make – even the smallest, seemingly insignificant ones! – all affect and change the course of our lives. If I had decided to go to the store an hour earlier, maybe I would have met someone familiar, or been in a different state of mind and bought sensible food instead of unhealthy food that makes me bloated, which again might affect my evening – should I go out or stay in? I got an invitation, but I feel bloated and tired, so I’ll stay in. But what if I went out? Maybe I’d have met some amazing people who would really affect the way I look on life? Maybe I’d go to a concert and have an amazing experience? Maybe my life would feel incredibly meaningful, if only for one, alchohol-induced night.

But then again – maybe I did go for the unhealthy choice (I did. I always do.), get bloated and unwell and stay in. Then I would watch some episodes of my favourite TV series, listen to some amazing music, eat chocolate and maybe watch Bridget Jones again for the umpteenth time. And what would I miss? Any night could be the best night of your life if you give it the chance, but it can also be the night that you are robbed, stabbed, raped or killed. Whenever you allow life and destiny to affect your life you open up to both the good and the bad, and you must accept both possibilities.

This does not by any means mean that I am afraid to go out. I surround myself with a fierce (but not provocative) attitude, and you would be a fool to try and mess with me. I am also armed with both a sound alarm and pepperspray, so for everybody’s good, it’s best to leave me alone. But I do accept the weight of the world that is inevitably on all our shoulders, and while most accidents happen in the home, it’s fairly rare to get robbed og raped by a stranger there. So if I do choose the unhealthy choice, get bloated and unwell and stay in, I most definitely do not regret not going out. There are always more nights (unless you die, of course, which could happen in a variety of ways not necessarily including blind violence), and as my mother always says, “there’s always another party”. But I never knew if she actually meant this or if she said this to keep me out of harm’s way so as not to worry so much…

The solution I have found to this tedious problem is to 1) thrive in your own company, so the stay-at-home-nights are something to actually look forward to, and 2) find someone you want to share both stay-at-home-nights and going-out-nights with. This has a double bonus: you can be ugly at home and feel like a pig, but with company if you so desire, without being bothered, and you can go out, have fun and have a chaperone to make way home a bit safer. Doesn’t really get much better than that?

[Song: Pure Pain | Artist: Kurt Vile]

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